Premiership Rugby Clubs as Musical Theatre Characters

Before the start of the 2020/21 season, I cast last year’s Premiership rugby clubs as musical theatre characters (feat. high level photoshop skills). The decisions were based either on the character’s personality or their role in the plot and represent the rugby clubs over a number of years, rather than purely their recent form. 

Some musical theatre spoilers, probably.

You can see my original twitter thread here.

Premiership Rugby Teams as Musical Theatre Characters

Sale Sharks – Javert, Les Misérables

Persistent, tough and always on the chase of the top 4, Sale can’t help but find themselves a step behind.

Like Javert’s constant pursuit of Jean Valjean, they nearly catch up, only to be outmuscled and outsmarted when it matters.

Sale Sharks as Javert
Sale Sharks as Javert, Les Misérables

Worcester Warriors – Amos Hart, Chicago

Like Mr Cellophane himself, Worcester Warriors go unnoticed. They seem destined to finish in the bottom third without causing much of a stir.

You can walk right by them and never know they’re there.

Worcester Warriors as Amos Hart
Worcester Warriors as Amos Hart, Chicago

Exeter Chiefs – Elle Woods, Legally Blonde

Small and unfancied, Exeter had to battle against bigger clubs in a league many didn’t think they could survive.

Like Elle Woods, they defied expectations and became a success, winning the English and European double.

Exeter Chiefs as Elle Woods
Exeter Chiefs as Elle Woods, Legally Blonde

Saracens – Alexander Hamilton, Hamilton

As multiple Premiership and European Champions, Saracens’ rise to the top is reminiscent of the hard work and success of A.Ham in Act 1.

However, also similar are the revelations of cheating and fall from grace in Act 2.

Saracens as Alexander Hamilton
Saracens as Alexander Hamilton, Hamilton

Bath – Glinda, Wicked

Glinda is popular but complacent. It is only her rivalry and then friendship with Elphaba that forces her to be ambitious.

Bath have been forced to fight after being challenged by local rivals Bristol, with both teams growing as a result.

Bath as Glinda
Bath as Glinda, Wicked

Bristol Bears – Elder Cunningham, The Book of Mormon

Elder Cunningham’s enigmatic, exaggerated Mormon conversion style matches the free-flowing, exciting rugby played by Bristol.

They have both grown into a major force, proving those who doubted their credentials wrong.

Bristol Bears as Elder Cunningham
Bristol Bears as Elder Cunningham, The Book of Mormon

Northampton Saints – Moonface Martin, Anything Goes

Desperate to be at the top of the table, Northampton often find themselves further down.

As Public Enemy 13, Moonface Martin is eager to be number 1, but neither he nor Saints are able to maintain success long-term.

Northampton Saints as Moonface Martin
Northampton Saints as Moonface Martin, Anything Goes

Harlequins – Raoul, The Phantom of the Opera

The bland patron of the opera house, Raoul is Harlequins because despite being the ‘good guy’ in the show’s central love triangle, he is so uninspiring that you can’t help secretly rooting for the Phantom, and the opposition team.

Harlequins as Raoul
Harlequins as Raoul, The Phantom of the Opera

London Irish – Monsieur Thénardier, Les Misérables

With fluctuating fortunes, Thénardier is a charismatic secondary character.

Like London Irish being relegated and promoted, Thénardier always bounces back, ready to dole out the charm and lighten the purses of his guests again.

London Irish as Monsieur Thenardier
London Irish as Monsieur Thénardier, Les Misérables

Leicester Tigers – Grizabella, Cats

Leicester’s decline has been emphatic, and like Grizabella, they are left with only the memory of their days in the sun.

Just like the Jellicle Cats’ response to Grizabella, fans of other clubs are secretly revelling in Leicester’s demise.

Leicester Tigers as Grizabella
Leicester Tigers as Grizabella, Cats

Gloucester – King George III, Hamilton

Gloucester are exciting and fun to watch, but they don’t have any significant impact on where the trophy goes.

This is like King George III, who despite his catchy tune and comic value, doesn’t actually affect the show’s narrative.

Gloucester as King George III
Gloucester as King George III, Hamilton

Wasps – Deloris Van Cartier, Sister Act

Forced to relocate to a new home and start a new life, neither Wasps nor Deloris found the transition easy.

But they’ve blossomed over time with their exciting brand of showmanship and learned to love their new environment.

Wasps as Deloris Van Cartier
Wasps as Deloris Van Cartier, Sister Act

This cast list was made before the start of the 2020/21 season. Would there be any changes if I were to recast this now? Who would Newcastle Falcons be cast as?

Leave a comment and let me know.

One comment

  1. Haha! Brilliant!

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